February 24, 2014

Re: Beyond The Talk: What Else Autistic Girls Need to Know About Puberty

Posted in history tagged , at 11:02 pm by merelyquirky

Re: Beyond The Talk: What Else Autistic Girls Need to Know About Puberty.

Beginning to end, this was me throughout childhood and even into my late twenties. Still a struggle, but am more conscious of the issue now.

I never learned how to speak girl-talk, and my hygiene issues couldn’t have helped.

My mood would switch from flat to furious in no time.

Being youngest kid on the totem pole, I always lost the battle for morning showers unless I got up 3+ hours before the school bus. I might have showered once a week, and didn’t change clothes much, let alone underwear. I owned deodorant but don’t remember replacing it. Ever.

I was astonished as an adult to find out people routinely washed their bed/bath linens–I’d go years, til one set actually wore out, before changing sheets.

I rarely brushed my teeth, since my assertion that the toothpaste felt oily was dismissed as ridiculous. My mother later said she had taken my saying I had brushed my teeth to mean I didn’t feel like it, and she left it at that. I had actually designated particular fingers for tooth-fur scraping, nose picking, and toe-jam removal.

My parents divorced when I was 6, and from what I gathered as an adult, each thought I was the other’s responsibility in these departments.

 

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March 8, 2013

Leeway Drift

Posted in history, unedited tagged , at 2:25 am by merelyquirky

Since I started this blog several years ago I have felt unidentified eddies in the waters, moving me in directions not of my choosing. I have felt like I had no control in my life. Like there was something I was doing wrong, but that everyone else seemed to understand and navigate with no thought whatsoever.

I’m a planner. I like to know ahead of time who I’ll see, where I’ll be, what I’ll say or do. So that I can print maps, run lines in my head, or cancel my plans if I can’t see how it will all shake out.  The more unmappable my drift, the more cancellations; I have been a hermit for the last year and a half, going nowhere but work and the grocery store. Although I was leaning in this direction, the trigger was a flat tire; some punk at work had let the air out of my tire, and it turned out my car had no jack.

I was not alone, there were lots of people around, I had access to a phone, a tow, or whatever. But I went into panic mode, trying to plan for every new alternate eventuality, but nothing was working right. I borrowed a jack, but the kid insisted on doing it himself. He put placed the jack under a piece of plastic trim not the frame, he didn’t chock the wheels or let me loosen the lug nuts before beginning, ended up with the car rolling backward, jamming the jack in the wheel well, cracking the rocker panel, and thunking my car down heavily on the half-removed wheel rim.

I was in such a panic. I’ve changed flat tires before, but it felt like this kid who was reluctantly ‘helping’ me, was taking away all my control and ruining my life. I was so flooded with anxiety and tension and worry. Over a flat tire.

Somehow I have not managed to get myself back on course since then, though recently I have shed a glimmer of light on the water I’m drifting in, found a scarily plausible explanation.  Unfortunately, writing about my irrational reactions that night are making me both edgy and embarrassed,  I’m going to save this post to complete another time.

October 22, 2008

The name, in brief

Posted in history, quirky, self-improvement at 4:36 am by merelyquirky

Back in the day, when I was more actively attempting self-improvement, I used to say that I wasn’t aiming for perfection since that would remove all the personality from my personality. Instead I was shooting for merely being quirky.