February 24, 2018

Well, everybody has a birthday… :-/

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:54 pm by merelyquirky

via Non-autistic: “Everybody’s like that.” No. You aren’t.

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January 29, 2018

New Research Suggests Social Issues are Down to Neurotypicals more than Autistics

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:24 pm by merelyquirky

Pretty sure We knew his all along, but NT’s assumed we were just making excuses.

Intersectional Neurodiversity

colorful-brains-560 Picture by Joan M. Mas

Autism is seen, in popular representations, largely as a social and communication disorder. Formerly framed as stemming from an autistic lack of a “social instinct”, the current dominant idea is that something is deficient or missing in autistic social cognition. Often referred to as a cognitive deficit in “empathy” or “theory of mind”, much research on autistic social issues has focused on trying to clarify and detect this inside autistic brains and minds. The search for an elusive broken “theory of mind module” or “empathy mechanism” in the brain, and its ensuing cognitive manifestations, however, has led to conflicting results – with some scientists even concluding that autistic people feel too much empathy rather than too little.

Another view is that this is not simply an individual neuro-cognitive issue, but rather a wider social problem. Against the idea that autistic people have too much or…

View original post 676 more words

January 2, 2018

Arrogant denial?

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:12 am by merelyquirky

via Autscriptic: Mild Autism

https://autnot.wordpress.com/2017/12/28/autscriptic-mild-autism/

That is my life, but without the deft comebacks. Any time I admit not being able to do something well. Any time I admit that my ‘slacker’ life is the most I can do, and sometimes can’t even handle this.

Under the guise of ‘helpfulness’ or ‘caring’, people insist I explain why “a smart person like you” is not doing more/better.  (Because apparently being stupid is the only reason for anyone to do my job.)  And then they judge me for any answer I give, or criticize me for being ‘defensive’ if I object to the question in the first place. This is a no-win situation for me, I have never once managed to extricate myself gracefully (or at least civilly), or to come up with a brief answer that is both true and vague, without ending with versions of MYOB and GTFO.

I have asked (in advance, friends or family)for suggestions on how to deal with this, but it just prompts the exact same conversations I was looking for help avoiding. I feel like I’m being autopsied, and like it’s somehow my own fault.

I just don’t know what to do.

October 27, 2017

The Four Social Rules every Autistic Person needs to Learn

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:29 pm by merelyquirky

Autism and Expectations

Trigger warning – although this post doesn’t mention any detail of abuse, it is about the dangers of teaching someone not to trust in their right to say no

From a young age I was taught three things:-

  • The messages I get from my body are wrong
  • Not wanting to be touched is wrong
  • That I must override these feelings to be accepted

From encouraging an autistic child to give up a harmless stim (which may be helping them to cope with negative sensory information), to telling them that eye-contact doesn’t hurt (when it does translate to pain for some), or that hugs are pleasant physical contact (when they may be too much sensory information all at once) or that labels aren’t painful (when the feeling of being clawed at may be very real), navigating what will be believed as real, and what will be dismissed as silly or attention-seeking…

View original post 650 more words

August 14, 2017

5 Totally Normal Questions Transgender People May Be Afraid to Ask, Answered

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:25 pm by merelyquirky

Source: 5 Totally Normal Questions Transgender People May Be Afraid to Ask, Answered

 

This.

July 22, 2017

Is it really inclusion you want?

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:21 pm by merelyquirky

Michelle Sutton gives an excellent description of how ‘social’ business gatherings become increasingly overwhelming in ways that NTs apparently cannot understand, and of the after-effects as well.

 

The three times over the years I have vacationed with friends, and even on some all-day family gatherings like weddings, funerals, even Christmas, I need a Quiet break from everyone. When traveling, I needed to opt out of an activity or two. At home or with family, I’d either take a ‘nap’ in my room pleading a headache, or would sit at the edge of things ‘reading’.

Luckily(?) for me, I come from a family of readers, and many of us are also plagued with migraines, so this mostly worked out fairly well. They may not have been able to see the difference between ‘impending migraine’ and ‘overwhelmed sensory processing and impending loss of executive function’, but If  could get away soon enough, I managed ok. Somehow I have been able to firmly excuse myself even from situations that are not voluntary, like leaving in the middle of an extremely crowded Catholic funeral, because I suddenly remembered about the incense which would have completely put me over the edge. I dropped two expensive medications from my coat pocket as I fled, but even the thought of going back was too paralyzing to consider.

 

February 20, 2017

Autscriptic

Posted in Uncategorized at 3:18 am by merelyquirky

Why do people deny someone else’s reality. Even when they realize they know nothing, they still assume. Where do they acquire the monstrous ego and entitlement?

Autism and Expectations

You don’t look autistic.

Yes I do.

You don’t act autistic though.

Yes I do.

Yeah, but you’re not like “properly” autistic.

Yes I am.

You can make eye contact.

Yes I can.

You don’t flap all the time.

I do at birds.

You flap at birds?

I flap at birds.

Why do you flap at birds?

It would be rude not to wave at them when they wave at me.

That’s a bit weird.

Is it?

But you don’t do all that proper stimming and stuff, do you? Or do you?

Every day. Most moments of every day. See this?

Looks like a tiny bead mat.

Yup. I made it, I made lots of them, for when I lose them. I get distracted easily.

Can I have a go?

Go for it.

It feels nice.

It feels essential.

Why do you do it?

I’m an addict.

But it’s not…

View original post 1,299 more words

May 30, 2016

On Functioning and “Functioning”

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:12 pm by merelyquirky

I want to comment on this, but since I made the mistake of believing Applebees staff that their “excellent, super-strong” ventilation system meant their new smoke grill wouldn’t bother my asthma, I now am both a bit wheezy and have a killer migraine. F*ck.

Autistic Academic

Not only did I present on deconstruction, autism, and digital communities at #cwcon this week, I also roomed (and presented) with a number of other autistic people.

I’ve made several autistic friends via the Internet, as I’ve mentioned in previous posts (and in the presentation).  I’ve even met a few of them one on one.  But spending time in a group gave me a perspective I haven’t had before.  Like:

  • The fact that I’ve never had an IEP, or was never diagnosed in childhood for anything, may be relatively unusual for autistics/NDs in my approximate age group.
  • I’m as awkward at autistic conversational norms as I am at NT ones, but I am less anxious about this awkwardness because something about autistic conversational norms feels intuitively right to me in a way that NT conversational norms never have.
  • Most of my autistic body-language norms have been completely extinguished.

It’s…

View original post 577 more words

May 4, 2016

10 Myths About Aspies

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:53 am by merelyquirky

The last few years, due to asthma issues, schedule changes, and those just feeling more difficult to overcome than they used to, I’ve been a bit of a hermit. But 3 times in the pst 6 weeks I’ve gone back to my old haunt, and been greeted warmly and fondly by folks I was convinced barely knew me back then. I really thought they were just tolerating/ignoring me. But I was greeted by name in a pleased tine of voice, by a variety of folks. They asked after my friends/family they hadn’t seen recently. I truly thoughtI was a blip on the radar to them, but they remembered every detail, from where I worked to the name of my cat. It was so heart-warming I can’t even express. As strange as it sounds, I felt loved.

Everyday Aspie

“If you’ve met one person with Autism, you’ve met one person with Autism.” ~ author unknown

This is a subjective list based on my interaction with over 10,000 Aspies over the last four years. 🙂

10 Myths About Aspies

Myth #1: Aspies Don’t Have Friends

We do have relationships. Like all human beings, sometimes our relationships last and sometimes they don’t. We might prefer to be alone or have a lower tolerance level for crowds and the company of another person for extended periods of time, but we do like having kind friends and kind partners. Some of us choose not to be in a relationship, some of us choose to be in a relationship, some of us cannot find a relationship that ‘fits,’—just like most of the human race. Aspects about Aspergers make the probability higher that we will have had more struggles in finding or keeping friends, but many…

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May 1, 2016

Autistic regression, or faking it til I burn out?

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:16 am by merelyquirky

When people ask me why I don’t have kids (and I get asked by pretty much every new customer at work) I just say that some of us aren’t meant to have kids and leave it at that. What I really mean is that I have a hard enough time taking care of myself. 

I only work 28 hours per week (my choice), but sometimes I do cat-sitting when my mother’s friend goes out of town. But it involves going to two different houses on opposite sides of town, twice/day each– first thing in the morning and last thing at night. This totally interrupts my ‘gearing up’ for my day, and my ‘winding down’ process at night. So for the last 23 days, my sleep has been irregular at best, and about half of what I need. I haven’t been eating well, regularly, or enough, so add wacky blood sugar to the list. 

Every time, I ask why I do this to myself. It pays pretty well, that’s why, and I tell myself it’s only for a little while. But when her vacations are 2 to 2 1/2 weeks, it’s too much. And now I see that the back of my mind tells me I OUGHT to have no problem with this, it OUGHT to be easy money. Like other NORMAL people. Sleep deprivation raises all my semi-controlled problems to the surface, I get depressed and beat myself up for it.

And I remember my first adult job that ended up with a suicide attempt and the emergency room psychiatrist signing commitment papers on me. (His supervisor rescinded the order, and ‘ordered’ me to go live with my mother. She was an unemployed alcoholic, but apparently that is still better than the state hospital.)

When I am overwhelmed, my ability to order my life disintegrates. I haven’t been to the grocery store in almost a month. Bills aren’t getting paid. I’m taking fewer showers. And the house makes me worry that the furnace repairman will call the health department on me.

Although these realizations come to me eventually, I am unable to act on them. Looking at the state of my life means having to get out of bed in the morning makes me wail and rock. While I’m still under the covers. This does not bode well for my chances at making any improvements in the future; I feel like an incompetent poser. I’m in my mid-40s, and again, feel like I OUGHT to be able to do this NORMAL ADULT thing. But I can’t.

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